When I was growing up, my mom was adamant about thank you notes. In fact, her whole family was. One great uncle literally stopped sending me Christmas gifts for a few years because I had not written him a thank you note for one. True facts. So I’ve written quite a number of thank you notes in my day, and I usually keep it short and sweet and to the formula.

But recently, Andy and I got a thank you note from the wife of one of his coworkers, for whom we had bought a baby gift. It was so well-written and personal that it blew me, the long-time thank you note writer, away. If we extrapolate out what she wrote, it’s a good reminder of the important elements to include in a thank you.

The first paragraph was specific to the gifts we had given. It’s always polite to let the person know you’re really writing a note for them and not just a generic thank you to everyone who gave you something.

Then she included a tiny bit of detail about how they’re doing regarding the baby’s upcoming due date. Both of these sections were infused with a lighthearted humorous tone that made it fun to read, and hopefully fun to write, as well!

(If you received a Christmas or birthday gift, this section could include how you celebrated the holiday or what the next thing you’re looking forward to is, i.e. “I enjoyed having friends over and watching Dr. Who on my birthday. Someone made me the best cake I’ve ever had!” or “Now that Christmas is over, I can’t wait to get back to school and start working on my senior Honors thesis.”)

Finally, she wrapped up with a personal mention that she hoped we were well and looked forward to seeing us at the company’s holiday party (at which we sat together last year), if not before.

She signed it, “With gratitude!” which was a heartfelt ending to a succinct note covering just the inside of a 3x5 folded card.

I would like to say I write thank you notes pretty similarly, but it was a great reminder to receive a note that hit all of the high points. To convey my thanks for a gift or trip, this format works for me.

I’m linking up to Works for Me Wednesday at WeAreThatFamily.com!

I'm joining in with the Mercy Mondays linkup hosted by Jenn at Hang on Baby, We're Almost...Somewhere. This week's prompt is When Mercy is Pardon. This post is nitty-gritty and gospel-centered. I know that might make some of you uncomfortable. But I think grappling with things you don't understand and maybe don't even believe at the momemt is worthwhile work for a blog post. Read on to join me in asking some hard questions.

In the Catholic church, a common response to the prayers of the people is, "Lord, have mercy." His mercy is foundational to the Christian faith. I've come to think it's easy to believe in a God. The order of the universe, its majesty and beauty, all seem to point to a Creator. Even some prominent scientists feel that all of their studies can only lead to that one conclusion. And that God may very well be merciful. But what's radical, I think, is translating that belief in a God into belief in a God who sent His son to be mercy personified. Because mercy--that's what was spoken on the cross.

One common objection I hear to Christianity is that "I'm a good person! I haven't done anything wrong and therefore I don't need forgiveness." If I'm honest, I feel like that many days, too. I've never killed anyone. I haven't cheated on my spouse. I don't steal or tell big lies. But Jesus flips that notion on its head in Matthew 5 when he says that anyone who has anger in his heart has committed murder, and anyone who has looked at a person with lust has committed adultery. So apparently those 10 little Commandments weren't so simple after all! It could make you feel like God set us up; like we are trapped. Why would a merciful God design His law like that? I don't know the answer, and I wouldn't blame you if you got hung up the nuance--but I do know how He designed the outcome. I'm stubborn; I don't always like to ask for help, but that's exactly what mercy is. In fact, God designed mercy to give us a way out before we even thought to ask. And once you do ask, that way is yours.

On the cross Jesus said, "Forgive, them Father, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

Almost as if in response, Paul said, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:15-25)

For a long time I felt very convinced of the T in the T.U.L.I.P. of Calvinism: total depravity of man. By definition, this means that sin is in every part of one's being, including the mind and will, so that a man cannot save himself. I don't wake up and feel like a sinner, but I do wake up and choose not to go to the gym when I had told myself I would. I do wake up in bad moods that I can't shake. I wake up some days and want to shirk my duties. If I were in total control of myself, wouldn't I be better than that? I feel less strongly about depravity than I once did. I'm feeling tough on my faith right now and not feeling too strongly about anything that I believe. But I think just about every religion seeks to provide a way to be your best self, and the beautiful thing about Christianity is that the way is free. Maybe it doesn't look like I need forgiveness from the world, but maybe I need forgiveness from myself.

There is evil in this world. There are people who commit unspeakable acts for which there is truly no other word. Despicable things happen every day to people who did nothing to deserve them. I have no idea what mercy looks like for them. I can't wrap my mind around the horrors that God says He can forgive. I can't provide mercy for the world, by any means. All I can handle right now is mercy in the small. Small mercies. Mercy for my marriage. Mercy for the new day. Mercy to keep trying. Mercy to get up and go to work and try to help one person.

If mercy is pardon, it can't hurt to ask and see what being pardoned might look like. It can't hurt to ask and feel what the lifting of old burdens might feel like. It can't hurt to ask and be released from the chains of legalism. Maybe that step of asking for mercy looks just a little bit like belief. If mercy is pardon, then Kýrie, eléison, indeed.

When fall comes around, I go pumpkin crazy. I’ve always loved the pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, but I’m not sure I ever thought about enjoying pumpkin outside of that one day a year until Starbucks pumpkin spice lattes came into my life. Now, I’m one of those people who gets excited when it’s featured on their menu again every year (though one of my coworkers reminded me that you can get whatever flavor drink you want at Starbucks all year round). Even though we don’t usually get much of a fall in the South, once the calendar hits September, I have pumpkin on the brain. When I realized I had a preposterous number of pumpkin recipes pinned, I decided to share them here. For the next 10 Fridays, I’ll be sharing a different pumpkin recipe with you for your gustatory pleasure!

Up this week: Two ingredient pumpkin cookies. (Original recipe from Cookies and Cups here.) I am a sucker for cake mix cookies. They are the perfect texture for me, as I enjoy soft cookies, and I love all the different flavors you can create, as well as the pretty colors they produce. These pumpkin cookies could not be simpler: just mix 1 can of pumpkin puree with a box of spice cake mix and bake at 350 for 13-15 minutes.

This recipe was a great reminder that pumpkin itself is not necessarily the flavor we crave when the weather turns cool; it’s more the spices that generally go along with pumpkin. I took a taste of the pumpkin puree by itself, and it was pretty weird. It had some flavor but honestly brought to mind baby food. It wasn’t at all the warm and fuzzy flavor I associate with pumpkin baked goods. In this recipe, the spice cake substitutes for pumpkin pie spice (or a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and cloves), as it has, in fact, every one of those ingredients (I checked). The pumpkin takes the place of eggs and oil. Pumpkin puree is a great addition to recipes because of its texture and moistness.

The dough was very, very thick:

In fact, the hardest part of this recipe was getting it onto the baking sheet in reasonably shaped lumps! The original instructions say to drop it in rounded teaspoonfuls. My usual trick is to spray the teaspoon with a little non-stick spray, but with this batter I found myself having to spray every 2 or 3 cookies! Needless to say, I had to taste-test the batter a few times during this arduous process…

The cookies bake on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet.

They didn’t spread out much during baking, so they had a very fluffy, almost muffin-like consistency. I tried pressing one batch down a bit, but they still didn’t flatten a lot.

All in all, I’d call these a success! They smelled great while baking, and, though simple, they definitely convey that fall comfort food aspect of pumpkin spice. I took them to work and got rave reviews, even though I was a little worried that the texture might turn people off. They sure felt weird once they cooled and I was transferring them to a plate! I’d recommend these if you want that cozy pumpkin flavor without expending much effort.

Do you have a favorite fall genre of foods? Are you pumpkin crazy like I am? Share your favorite recipe in the comments!

Would it surprise you to hear that I don’t like going to bed with things a-clutter? No? Oh, well there goes the shock factor for this post!

In all seriousness, though, I am a neat person. I don’t know if I have always been, or if it is because my mom taught or forced me to be. I do know she taught me the value of cleaning up as you go and of unpacking your suitcase as soon as you get home. And I do remember being the one in charge of cleaning my own room. (I also used to sometimes take the glass cleaner into my parents’ room to clean their full-length mirror, the only one in the house, which I used as well. Dust is my cleaning trigger!) But I wouldn’t say I’m a neat-freak, or obsessive, and I’m definitely not a germophobe. No, what bothers me the most is clutter.

In my dorm rooms, especially my tiny ones in college, I would often find that during stressful times my neatness would escape me, and I would have to pick my way to bed amongst piles of books, shoes, etc. But after not very long of this, I would snap and absolutely HAVE to clean it all up RIGHT THEN. This often was at the most stressed point of my stressed out time. And somehow, even though it wasn’t tackling anything on my to-do list, straightening up my room always made me miraculously LESS STRESSED.

Honestly, I am still this way. Our apartment, while bigger by far than my dorm rooms, is still not very big, and it is easy to let piles accumulate. I don’t mind piles to an extent, and in fact find them quite useful–for awhile. The clutter points for me are the dining table and the square foot of floor next to my small dresser. The table accumulates things that I want to read, forms that need to be filled out, or things that need to be taken somewhere else. The floor next to my dresser accumulates blue jeans. I do not have a good hanger system for hanging my jeans, and I hate using it, so instead I let them live on the floor until, suddenly, I have no jeans on the hanger, and I must hang them all up. ANYWAY, all that to say, often at around 10:00 p.m. I look around and just simply can’t take it anymore, and I go on a straightening binge.

My straightening binges are perhaps why I am so adamant about everything having its own place. When things have places of their own, they don’t take long to put away! Sure, my jeans may all be on the floor, but they have a place to go once I decide they need to be elsewhere. Cleaning up doesn’t involve figuring out where to put something; it only involves transporting that thing to its designated home.

Sometimes the clutter doesn’t bother me.

Sometimes I look around and think, even though I can see various piles and unfolded throw blankets, that it’s not really that bad.

Sometimes I stack up the dirty dishes and think how nice it is that they’re only taking up one small counter.

But other times I look around and turn into a maniacal clutter banishing fiend.

And the fiend always prevails.

I finally decided recently that the reason clutter bothers me so much, especially in times of stress, is because I have a near constant stream of brain clutter running through my head at all times, and at peak times, the visual clutter makes the brain clutter unbearable. When my eyes can rest on empty table and countertops, when the throw blanket is folded perfectly in thirds and draped neatly on the couch, when there are no shoes in the entryway, then the roar of the brain clutter is noticeably quieted. On my newly cleared table, I can put pen to paper and create an orderly to-do list, further emptying the cluttered brain bin. And on my chair with its neatly fluffed slipcover, I can sit with the computer and chip away at the list, bringing the clutter pollution down to practically zero. But it all depends on the dominance of the Clutter Banishing Fiend.

If you can’t fathom what brain clutter is, consider yourself lucky. But if you can, take my word for it: conquering the visual and physical clutter can work wonders for your sanity.

One of my coworkers likes to say that her best marriage advice is to buy yourself lots of stuff before the wedding, because once you’re hitched, it’ll be a lot more difficult to justify buying things for your own pleasure. She’s mostly sharing it tongue-in-cheek, of course, but she has a point, especially now that she’s added kids into the mix. Husbands don’t get giddy over a new pair of shoes or the perfect dress on clearance. They don’t wear makeup and don’t understand how a haircut can cost $50. On the flip side, wives often don’t understand the male’s need for gadgets and expensive craft beers. (These are total stereotypes, and I actually like good beer myself, but I think you catch my drift.)

More seriously, though, money is statistically a huge bone of contention in many marriages. In fact, a recent study found that, “Couples who reported disagreeing about finance once a week were over 30 percent more likely to get divorced than couples who reported disagreeing about finances a few times a month.”

Take that with as large a grain of salt as you’d like (after all, I found it via just a quick Google search), but I’d say it’s still a pause-worthy statement to consider. Andy and I have tiffs just like every other couple, but thankfully, money is one thing we’ve managed to mostly avoid fights about. I think a big part of that is having his and hers categories included in our monthly budget. This money is not kept in separate accounts; I’m not setting aside my own pennies “just in case I need to get out.” It’s all still in our joint account. But it’s a line-item in our budget that we’re each able to spend at will without consulting the other.

As an example, here are some of the things I spent my hers money on last month:

• A cup of coffee at the new Dunkin Donuts that opened on my way to work
• A latte and a muffin at a new coffee shop that opened in our neighborhood
• A movie and Chinese takeout while Andy was out of town
• A dress and a necklace on clearance at Kohls
• Lunch at Einstein Brothers' Bagels while out thrifting one Saturday

etc, etc, etc. This month, I’ve spent hers money on a haircut, a pair of shoes at the thrift store, and some new makeup. As you can tell from the list, grabbing a cup of coffee on my way to work or lunch while out on the town is one of my favorite not-so-guilty pleasures. And I’d say it’s not-so-guilty because I know I have the money to spend! Andy doesn’t have to nitpick me about spending a few dollars on coffee, because it’s my money. And conversely, I don’t have to nitpick or even know if he buys a new computer-related toy, a new app, or a book for his iPad. By budgeting some money for each of us, we free our money conversations up to focus on things that matter to us as a couple. When it comes to spending on household items, gifts for friends and family, vacations, groceries, and numerous other categories, we make the decisions together, and that’s important. But I’d say it’s equally important that we have our fun money. I can be as frugal or as extravagant as I want to be for myself, as long as it fits within the bounds of that money. And what I don’t spend in a given month carries over to the next, so what I save builds up, allowing me to plan ahead for gifts for Andy or larger purchases I want to make.

The amount of money we budget each month for ourselves has varied over time. If you’re just starting with a budget, maybe it’s really small: enough to buy a snack from the vending machine at work or a new bottle of nail polish. Or if you’re totally set and have lots of money to spare, maybe it’s more along the lines of a new laptop or TV. Either way, think about including a little bit of discretionary money for each of you in your monthly budget. It works for me.

I’m linking up to Works for Me Wednesday at WeAreThatFamily.com!